A MINOR DETAIL

Well folks, sorry to be the Debbie Downer but it appears that even Paradise has its issues.

There we were, bright and early on Monday morning running around like maniacs trying to get ready for the school day.  So typically us.  Kids were (barely) up and (sort of) dressed, plugged in to their vests and well into their treatment session as I was elbows deep into a dirty diaper and Joe was juggling the breakfast order alongside the school snack order.  Not bad for a quarter after 7 on a school day, I thought.
Then the power went out.

We fumbled a bit, then scrambled, and finally recovered managing to get out the door in time for the walk in to school.  Not the best start to a Monday but we pulled it together.

Tuesday was better, the week taunting us to pick up the pace somewhat. 
And then the power went out.

Wednesday came and we joked about what time we'd lose light.  Joe chuckled as he buttered the toast.  I managed a laugh as I doled out the breathing treatments.
Then the power went out.

Okay, so maybe not so funny any more.  We were quick to notice that it wasn't just our house, not just our block, hell, not even just our neighborhood.  It was indeed the whole damned pueblo! 

Thursday the same. 
Friday too. 
And don't forget Saturday or Sunday.

What the hell?

Every single day for the past eight days there has been a power outage for the entire pueblo.  It's short lived, ten minutes tops.  And it is reliable, always at 7:24AM.  But what gives?  What's the issue?  I wouldn't have ever dared to call the pueblo third world but come on how, this was getting a little ridiculous.

So, as I imagined a good Spanish wife would do, I sent the husband out to get to the bottom of it at the neighborhood bar. Seriously, where else?  Nothing gets answers faster than a bar full of soccer fans and a few rounds of San Miguel (beer).  Now, just so you know, going out to get some answers is not an in-and-out kinda deal least of all on a soccer night.  This would likely be an all nighter for me, which was fine.  I had a lighter and candles at arm's reach and my glass of wine within the other arm's reach so I was prepared.  And just as I had surmised, some four hours later he came home with the full scoop; as it turns out, the one and only thing for which I was not prepared.

Rather than bore you with the four hour version, I'll just cut to the chase.  First off, no one in the whole freakin' bar even flinched when he brought up the pueblo's power 'issue'.
What 'issue'? 
What are you talking about? 
Huh? 
They just stared at him blankly, silently willing him to shut the hell up so they could concentrate on the game. 

The electricity. 

Dude, what are you talking about?  What about the electricity? 

The fact that every day we have none for a ten minute spell.  What's the deal? 

Ohhhh...THAT.  Suddenly, the game was of no consequence and they took some pity on the new guy.  You'll get used to it.  In fact, you can pretty much set your watch to it.  Wait til winter when it's out for a couple of days. 

Come again? 

Oh yeah, last winter it went out for two whole days.  Juan Carlos lost a week's worth of business because his freezer stock went bad and he had to dump it all. 

Pardon me, but are you fucking kidding me? 

You guys are living up in the new part of town, right?  Well, it's not gonna be so bad for you guys.  Just the ten minutes or so every morning when the pueblo wakes up.  It's the unlucky saps in the old part of town that really have it bad, going for a few days at a time like that.  Don't worry though, you'll get used to it.

We'll get used to it.  Uhm, no.  I'm thinking this is something that I probably won't get used to.  I can get used to wearing shoes that pinch my toes.  Or I can get used to drinking luke warm coffee when I so prefer it scalding hot.  Hell, I might even be able to get used to everybody shouting at me as if I'm deaf becasue they think that if they speak louder I'll somehow understand all those colloquial phrases and inside jokes.  But no, living without a reliable energy source is not something I plan on getting used to.  I mean come on, we're well past the millenium folks.  Shit, my Nepalese student, the ones who's cousin was a Sherpa, had more reliable power than this.  I mean don't get me wrong, I think it's really cool and even a bit convenient that it happens to go out at the same time every day but there's a lot of shit that goes down regularly that I don't think we should tolerate just because no one has the wherewithall to fix the situation. 

So now added to my to-do list of
1. informing the universe about cystic fibrosis
2. writing and getting a grant to get computers (notice I said get computers not get new computers) for the pueblo's elementary school and
3. running a marathon
is
4.  stirring the shit up enough to get a revolution brewing so we can get the mayor/taxi driver to push for an update to the power grid which means at least two though preferably three to four new power transformers to replace the current ones which as we speak are about 40 years out of date. 

And they say that Stay at Home Moms don't work.

MY FUNNY VALENTINE

Rewind about 12 years ago and I was a late twentysomething, fresh out of a string of really bad relationships and officially 'done' with the dating scene.  I was fed up, sick of the games and head over heels in love with my new job at a major financial house here in town.  On any given week I was jetting out to a cool city (or not) to do a my shtick - a bilingual financial seminar.  Boring you say?  Well, maybe just a little bit.  But you have to remember I was young, loved to travel, and got to practice my Spanish (most of my trips were of the bilingual variety) - all on the company's dime.

So one night after work I found myself checking email and messing around on the computer at home. This was back in the days of AOL and dial up modems just to give you a frame of reference.  About ten minutes into my surfing, I decided to find a chat buddy.  Three clicks later there he was, first on my list:  Joaquin.  The first thing to cross my mind was Spaniard.  The second In Des Moines?

Me:  Hola.  ¿Qué tal?  ¿Te apetece charlar?
Him: 
Me:  ¿Hola? 
Him: 
Me:  Sorry.  I thought you spoke Spanish.  I just wanted to practice.
Him:  ¿Quién coño eres?

Alas, an unwitting invitation for me to pepper him with every colloquialism learned from my year abroad in Valencia.  Spanish oozing from my fingertips; the accents, the tildes and the inverted punctuation all in their proper places, my professors would have been so proud.  And so it went, two complete strangers with nothing in common save for a late evening on the computer and ganas de charlar. 

That chat eventually led to a phone call which then turned into a date:  coffee at the bookstore.  And in spite of me being 'done' with dating I was hopeful that this one would work out, at least long enough for me to get some good Spanish in.  We seemed to 'click' but the real test was yet to come:  would we be attracted to one another?

As the doorbell rang, a single thought crossed my mind: please be normal.  You don't have to be Prince Juan Carlos, but please, please be normal.  Funny how I wasn't concerned about him being a rapist or serial killer lest I digress...

He knocked and I opened. 
In one word, my first impression was more like a sound, Hmm.
I wasn't bowled over by his looks.  I just kind of stood there taking him all in.
Taller than me but only slightly.  Dark, thick hair.  Clean cut.  Smelled good. Not particularly athletic looking.  Nice, big, strong hands.  A rather solid first impression.  And then he spoke.

"Se empieza con los dos besos, ¿no?"

Oh my God.  Did I just wet my pants?  I went from comfortably confident to weak in the knees and stuttering.  His one liner still caught in the side of my mouth, I was now reeling myself in.

"Uhm, lemme just...uhh...I gotta grab my pullover...uhh...and yeah, uhm...then we can head."

I grabbed the royal blue windbreaker, my favorite running standard, and slipped my arms into its sleeves flipping it up & over my head in one giant arc.  But in my haste to get Don Juan out the door and to the bookstore, I had forgotten that the cinch in the jacket's waist was pulled tight and locked.  Oops.  Not to be outdone by the locked cinch, the zippered opening at the top was also pulled up.  Smooth move dumb ass.

There I was standing in my the entryway of my condo with my arms full up over my head and the jacket cinched tight and not budging one more inch as it sat parked right above my boobs.  My head stuck somewhere inside, this would go down in the books as one of my better How to Look Like a Jackass Without Even Trying moments, of which I have many.

So much for first impressions.

That was how our first date started.  And for whatever reason - perhaps the cd changer loaded with Paco de Lucia and Gypsy Kings that he had (planted?) in place of Metallica and Iron Maiden?  Maybe he just felt sorry for the busty blonde who practically suffocated herself inside of her own jacket?  I dunno but we've been together ever since. 

He was there when my brother broke his neck in the accident. 
And he was there when my brother learned to walk again.
He was there when I quit my dream job.
And he was there when the new job turned into a living nightmare. 
He was there through my second go 'round at a Masters.
And he was there tight lipped when I cast it aside.
He was there when I shut my dad out of my life.
And he was there cheering when I let my dad back in.
He was there when CF joined our happy little family the first time.
And he was there when it socked us in the gut the second time.

In more than ten years of being my Valentine, he's seen me at my best.  And stuck by me at my very, very worst. 

So this post is for you Joaquin Jose...
aka El Americano...
aka Joey...
aka Joe...

No importa el apodo que te darán.  Tu eres y siempre serás mi media naranja.  Te quiero más de lo que sepas y mucho más de lo que puedas imaginar.

Happy Valentine's Day, cariño.
I love you.
k.

ME.

I like to think of myself as an open book; chock full of dog-eared pages and wrapped in a weathered cover. So you'd think that starting this blog would have come easy. Actually, it has been anything but. I liken it to jumping into the deep end of the ocean. I really didn't have a plan, know what direction it would ultimately take, or know if anyone would care to read it which is probably why I find it so easy to push it aside 'til the next week, the next month, or the next full moon. So for those of you still reading, here's a little fodder about Yours Truly. I'm actually cheating by posting this since I wrote it quite a while ago but it's me 100% cut and dry when my brain takes a vacation from cystic fibrosis.

25 Random Things about Yours Truly

1. I still think cell phones are stupid. Who is really THAT important that they need to be on call 24/7. A cardiothoracic surgeon? Okay. Manager of a nuclear power plant? Fine. The other 98% of the population? I don't think so.

2. If I were 20 pounds thinner and had the balls, I'd shave my head like Sinead O'connor. I've come to terms with never sporting long, wavy tresses like Cindy Crawford or Drew Barrymore. The only thing holding me back would be the guffaws from friends and family as they wondered aloud if I was undergoing chemotherapy.

3. I have not slept 8 hours uninteruppted in nearly 5 years. This may be why I sometimes fantasize about throwing a brick at Joe's face when he complains of being "Soooooooo tired."

4. I currently have four different sizes of clothing in my closet. They are, in order from smallest to largest, affectionately referred to as: "Back in the day, " "Ooooh, maybe that second helping wasn't such a good idea afterall," "Elastic waistband: friend or foe?" and "It's official, my ass is huge."

5. Before I die, I would like to have written and published a book.

6. Had it not been for Kat and Annie Loo, I would have QUIT the sorority. Erh...I mean "deactivated."

7. I take my cream with a touch of coffee and a snippet of sugar. Yes, creamer overload. As I remind Joe, who at this stage of the game needs no reminding, "Make it the same (previous) color as the kitchen walls - a cross between mocha and taupe." Whadda guy!

8. I have singlehandedly (and unintentionally) taught my 3 year old every naughty word/expression that he knows. The other day he confessed that he "was REALLY pissed off." This from a 3 year old because he couldn't finagle the play button on the remote control. I'm such a failure.

9. I regularly "discuss" (aka. argue) with radio talk show hosts as I drive around town. Though I'd never call in to make my point heard to the listening audience, I feel quite confident that my points are valid nonetheless. I can only hope that other drivers think I'm using my "hands-free" device since I do this while driving alone.

10. If it were covered by my insurance I'd voluntarily have my breasts surgically removed. As far as I'm concerned an A cup would be too big.

11. Hawaii is overrated. I think I'd rather go to the Badlands than back to Hawaii.

12. I'm going to have more kids. Ideally, I'd like 4 but wouldn't object to an accidental 5th.

13. I've had the same earrings in for over a year - minus the hospital stays of course.

14. I brush my teeth in the shower. Always a multitasker, I realize that this is taking it to the next level.

15. I voted for George Bush. Twice. I'm hoping that the last election will redeem me. Don't let me down, Barack.

16. Lately I'm freaking out. I mean REALLY freaking out about being middle aged. You know, 36 is more than half way to 70. Holy crap!

17. I still solve 7+4, 7+5, and 8+4 equations on my fingers. I don't know why, but those three combos never stuck. It would foreshadow quite accurately my future troubles when it came to math.

18. I've never, ever lied to my husband.

19. It stresses me out to talk to someone with a wandering eye. I never know which eyeball to focus on and oftentimes end up staring at their nose. I have to keep the conversation short because focussing for too long on someone's nose usually leads to a headache for me.

20. I've accepted the fact that my Spanish has indeed fossilized. I've become my father-in-law, speaking in a strange Indian tongue as I ask my son to "Comer el comida mucho rapido." It's all so depressing.

21. Once - and only once, while pregnant with Lola, I confronted and yelled at a woman who had parked in the "Expectant Mother" parking spot in front of the grocery store. In my defense, it was about a month before my due date and I was miserable. Plus, the bitch was skinny.

22. Had I not gone down the family path, I think I would have made a great secret agent for the CIA. I have to be honest though, the basic skills portion of the interview process may have gotten me booted from the selection pool (see response to #17).

23. If given the chance to take a free trip to the moon or another planet, I think I'd decline. Who wants to travel that far to someplace without maid service? No thanks.

24. I love to rock out to John Denver in the car. "Rocky Mountain Hiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, Colorado..." really gets my blood pumpin'.

25. If I could have one superpower, it would be the ability to stop/freeze time. I've always thought what great fun it would be to wander around undetected. I would totally take advantage of it too - posing people in awkward &/or embarrassing situations would be hilarious.