February 8, 2011


Two birthdays in the span of less than a week. 
One anticipates kindergarten.
The other, walking.

It's a HUGE deal that five year old birthday party.  So why then did I wait 'til the day before to pull out great grandma's homemade chocolate cake recipe and the KitchenAid?  Uhm, I mean, order the cake?   A HUGER (yes, my word) deal still that first birthday.  And I don't have a single present wrapped yet?  Uhm, okay, I mean bought.

What's up with that?

Fine.  I'm a crappy mom.  But truth be known, I don't even remember my fifth birthday party let alone my first.  While some might think me putting the store bought cake on a pedestal and passing it off as my own akin to plagiarism, I think it's sheer genius.  But hold on a second.  Before my regulars (all 5 of you) jump to my defenses with, "...but you're not a crappy mom...you're really not..." I invite you to raise your glass (hand if you're foregoing) and toast ALL the crappy moms out there like me.  And by 'crappy' I mean:

1.  You're running around half the time like John Bobbit; your dick in your hands focused on getting that thing sewn back on ASAP but failing to notice that your house is burning down, the dog just ate a pooey diaper and is licking the baby's face and your bra's on inside out. 
translation:  YOU'RE BUSY

2.  You're just a smidge grumpy from that four hour cat-nap most call 'nightime'.
translation:  YOU'RE TIRED

3.  You pass off the bedtime story because it's easier to snuggle your kiddo tight in your arms as he lays transfixed by (insert cartoon).

Cheers ladies, here's to the next 365 days. 

May they be worth every single candle on the next (store bought) cake.


  1. May I join you in the "Crappy Mom's" club? I also never feel like I've got it together. Too much...all.of.the.time. Happy Birthday to your little one's!

  2. Happy Birthday Charlie. I understand the growing up too fast thing. Sophia turns 4 today. I dropped her off at preschool with cupcakes in tow and just about cried as I left driving down the street! UGH! Oh and by the way....love those cupcakes!

  3. wow! you hit the nail right on the head. That's exactly how I feel! Like I'm waving my dick around. I've been crazy busy lately and add sore throat and flu and all the other winter crud to that. And about Charlie's bday. 5 has been tough for me! Not so much five as much as Ethan going to school. I HATE that I can't just take him when I feel like it and pick him up when I feel like it. I hate that he has homework and can't just play and be a baby.

  4. Definitely the crappy mom club would have a whole lot of joiners! Paint, for the house prep, cheap and impressive! Go with muted colours..that's what my agent told me....

    Store bought cupcakes? Why not? Kids are happy, no?

    Thanks for dropping by my site by the way!

  5. Froggy's last cake was from Costco. It was FABULOUS! I hear ya.

  6. I'd like to join too!

    Juggling a full-time job, a child with extra needs and hectic extra curricular activities (nothing weird I promise!) I have NO time for anything.

    Following you back now btw, thanks for finding me, I'm sure going to enjoy your blog :) x

  7. I hold my (coffee) mug up high to you ladies! It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one with her bra on inside out ;-)

  8. Add me to the list! Bra inside out? I wore my blouse inside out to work last week and had a lovely orange streak on my chin from a SourceCF vitamin kiss.

    As for cake -- Max could care less about sweets -- so it's always been storebought for him. He'd much rather have a glass of water, maybe a carrot. Sigh!

    Ratatosk mom to Max age 7 wcf

  9. Here in Spain nobody bakes their own cakes-- just wait! Actually, we have to bake ours (and the Roscón de Reyes, and everything else) because of the peanut allergy, but believe me, no one will judge you on your baking and cake decorating skills!

    (Now, housekeeping and ironing skills... well, that's another story. I, for one, don't allow anyone into my house uninvited lest they run away screaming. When I was a SAHM it used to drive me crazy to see the women wiping down their window ledges every day-- some even stick a mop out the window and manuever it up and down to clean the outside of the persianas-- sure, they get pretty dirty, but damn!)

    Anyway, happy birthdays!!!

  10. Hi, my name is Kim and I'm A Crappy Mom. I feel the crappiest when my son gives me a hug when I've been particularly crappy. I'll raise my hand and a glass or two to all of us who live in this war zone everyday. Thanks for your honesty.

  11. @Liza: I know that color of orange so well. As for the shirt on inside out~well, you trumped me. Good one!!

    @Kate: I'm having nightmares about having to mop down the sidewalk in my bata & flipflops. Will I be shunned if I just use a leafblower??

    @Kim the Bohdi Chicklet: Cheers, sister. Welcome to the club!!

  12. I'd wave my dick around if I could find it under all the laundry. I tell myself I only bath twice a week "to save water". And if I squint just right that floor looks damn clean! If one must chose between toilet scrubbing and theraputic wine drinking I chose the grape everytime!

  13. @NotsoSpanish: I hear you on the laundry, sister. And you have it 8 thousand times worse than me with that Spanish washer of yours. Please, please, PLEASE tell me you have a dryer. And I'm not talking of the solar variety that comes with clothespins. Cheers my friend, cheers. Best make that a double...

  14. Count me in. My grandson(who lives with me, I'm mom) turns 7 March 17th and this year it's Harley Davidson...

  15. Yay for Crappy Moms! We're usually the best ones! So I too raise my hand to Us. Its only empty because lately- Im worried that if I start drinking I may not stop!
    new follower from the blog hop. Looking forward to reading more!

  16. Oh, I totally relate to this post! I'm a new follower through Swingin' by Sunday and I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog!

  17. Costco is the best place for everything.. I am following from the blog hop. http://onemoreflewoverthecuckoo.blogspot.com/

  18. I'm a new follower from the blog hop. Congrats on being featured! Nice to meet you. :)

    Wife on the Roller Coaster

  19. I'm your newest follower from the blog hop. Please stop by and visit us.


  20. I'm a new follower from Swingin' By Sunday. I'd love for you to visit my blog and follow back.


  21. Hi, I am a new follower who found you through the “Swinging by Sunday” Blog Hop. I love to find new blogs to follow, so I’m looking forward to following yours. If you are able, I appreciate a follow back ~ I’m still a new blogger and a growing blog is a happy blog!
    Thank you!
    ~KerrieLynn ღೋ☙❤

  22. Oh, yes, I remember 1 to 3 very well! I felt like you and my daughter turned out fabulously well! Hang in there! I'm a new follower...hope you can visit http://www.lorihairston.blogspot.com

  23. Ahahahaha!! Oh, how I remember those days!! My boys grew up just fine and tell me I'm a great Mum so don't despair! They won't remember the packaging but the taste, and they won't remember if you did any housework or not, but they will remember that you were there. My boys are 25 and 30 now. Trust me, there is light at the end of that tunnel.

    Came via The Rain in Spain. ;)