CONSOLATION PRIZES ARE FOR LOSERS

I never win anything.  Ever.  There could be a raffle with ten names dropped in the bucket, nine of them mine, and I would come out the loser.  I'm unlucky that way, what can I say?  So imagine my shock when I was recently given a blogging award by Mother Theresa whose blog you should really check out.  Yeah, I know.  Awarded by a friggin' saint.  Me, the girl with the mouth of a drunken sailor.  Who'da thunk it?

But like all good things, it comes with a string or two.  And it goes something like this:
Hey, you won!  Now vomit up 7 facts about yourself in a charming yet witty way and oh yeah, don't forget to pay it forward to a handful of blogs that you wanna crown winners.  Simple enough, I say.  Here goes:

ALL YOU (N)EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ME

1. I don't do meat on the bone.  Lemme clarify this by saying that I'm no vegetarian. In fact, there's nothing I love more than a bloody steak with my glass of Spanish red. But you will never, ever see me pick up the bone and nibble away at the smidges of clingon meat. I grew up watching my mother do that from across the table and it drove me nuts; the scrunched up nose as she angled her teeth in to rip that last piece of animal flesh off the bone. In a word, yuck. Gimme the meat but you can keep the bone.

2. I cannot go to sleep in an unmade bed.  Not gonna happen. Nope, just can't do it. Yeah I know, I know. It's the OCD again. It doesn't matter how late or how tired I am, I will make the bed first and then turn it down before I get into it.

3. I have better than 20/20 vision.  Yes, I really do.  It's actually a bummer for me since I have always fantasized about wearing really cool, preppy looking glasses.  It also sucks that I can see coffee grounds on the counter top from 30 feet away.

4. I lived in Barajas (Madrid's airport) for almost three days after a Romanian pickpocket walked off with my life.  Airline ticket, passport, drivers license, cash, debit and credit cards; in short, my identity, gone.  TSA (or at least the Spanish equivalent) can be a real bitch when you can't prove who you are, where you're coming from or where you're going.

5. I'm deathly afraid of swimming in natural bodies of water.  DEATHLY AFRAID. It's a good day if I wade out past knee deep whether it's the Mediterranean, the Gulf of Mexico or the Atlantic. In fact, I'm not above hanging out in the chlorinated pool while on a beach vacation. Sad but true. I'll blame it on my Midwestern upbringing.  And yes, lakes and ponds are out too.

6. I maintain my position that all boobs are overrated.  Take it from me, the girl who's schlepped every size between B and DDD around town. If it were up to me I'd cut the fuckers off. Too bad God didn't make 'em in Velcro. Nice add on for the beach or that plunging neckline but useless the other 363 days of the year.

7. I've successfully completed all coursework for two Masters Degrees: 20th Century Peninsular Studies (Spanish Lit.) and TESOL. Two, count them, TWO!  Yet I have no degree to show for either one of them. Two advanced degrees takes me to near genius level.  Zero diplomas makes me stupid.  Ahhh, the irony.



And now (drum roll) The Newly Crowned.  Get your index finger ready.  Grab that cuppa Jo.  Time to get yourself some new reading material.  You won't regret it and you may just laugh or cry your ass off.  If not the entire ass, at least the Snickers bar you snarfed at lunch.

1. Around the Way Girl in Alabama
Because she just kills me, absolutely KILLS me with stuff like this and this and this.  That and being my long lost soul sister helps. 

2. Froggy Mama in California
Because she is quite possibly my hero in both the literary world and the CF world.  That and my No.8 Special (Pho Saigon) always tastes better in her company.

3. Gemma in United Kingdom
Because I like her.  I like her kid.  And I said so.

4. Danielle in New Jersey
Because she has the heart the size of Texas.  Yeah, it's that big.  That and who cooler to read than a mom who as gone to the Olympic trials more than once?

5. Rea in Algeciras {all-HAY-sear-us} or if you really wanna sack up {all-HAY-THEE-dus}
Because she lives in a place most can't pronounce, she can wrestle a moose with her bare hands, and her kid is freakin' gorge.  Yeah 'gorge' as in gorgeous.  All that and I love Canada almost, but not quite as much, as I love Spain.

6.  Alexandra in Canada
Because she hearts three of mine:  Spain.  Food.  And language.  That and did I mention that Canada rocks?

7.  Blues in Seville, Spain
Because if we all ban together and scream loud enough in angry, whiny CAPS LOCK letters, she just might feel enough pressure to come back.

8. Robin in Russia
Because she's got some cojones that little Florida girl.

9.  MommaBean in Amman, Jordan
Because we could all use the schooling that NBC, ABC and CBS nightly news have starved us of.

10. Mother Theresa in Pamplona, Spain
Because she's the one who started this whole thing and I think it only fitting that demands for a recount, complaints and/or rebuttals be directed to her inbox.  That and she also has a neat little thing going on over at The Rain in Spain that I know you don't want to miss.

Go on now, get out there and make some new friends.