February 28, 2011


Okay so a few days ago my good friend wrote and posted her very own manifesto of what-nots.  What not to do.  What not to wear.  What not say.  Not such a bad idea, I thought.  I mean how better to weed out the crap from your life, no?  While it wasn't exactly a manifesto per se, it was, at least in my opinion, a pretty damned good list.  And as with all good posts, I was having a schizophrenic moment (or two) and talking back to the laptop while my husband looked on thinking God only knows what.

Hell Yeahhh...
Oh no you di'int...

Seriously, what could possibly be that funny?  Lucky for me my husband gets my sick sense of humor but still, it's gotta be a buzzkill to have to wait for your wife to finish reading her laptop before you can, you know, 'get some'.  But I kid you not, this girl is freakin' hilarious.  Well, hilarious until I hit her Número Tres.


My laughter went from roaring to dead silence.  I'm talkin' mime silent.  My eyes slowed to get her take on this.  While she penned a pretty convincing argument, I couldn't help but feel defensive.  Was she serious? 


So indulge me for a moment, will ya?  See although I was born and raised a natural blond, adulthood (mainly all these years of being pregnant) has betrayed me and I will, in the end, die a brunette.  Yet, in spite of this cruel twist of fate, I'm still left with remnants of my former self. 

Body hair?  Blond.
Fringe around my hairline?  Blond
Eyebrows?  Blond

Roots as black as the polluted waters of the Ganges yet all other indicators point to a Swede in the making.  What the fuck is up with that?  You don't believe me?  See for yourself.  Go ahead, look.

The older I get, the worse the contrast and the more problematic my eyebrows have become.    And until you nearly rip one off of your own face, which I actually did once, you'll never know the hassle that is a mismatched pair of brows.

I love my friend and she loves me.  At least I think she does.  I mean we talk and cut it up all the time and we have un mogollón (that would be tons to the non Spanish speakers) in common.  But after reading this she may not be able to make an exception to her Número Tres. 

I can promise no Crystal Gayle hair.  Ever.

I don't even own any cutoffs.

The sextales I'll save for our email chats.

But the Revlon Brow Fill-in Powder?

The drawn on brows?

Sorry honey, those bitches are stayin'. 


  1. LMAO! That's hilarious. Okay. I'll make an exception because you didn't actually say, "You know what? Fuck it. I'm tired of plucking. I'm shaving these mofo and I'll just draw 'em if I go out." There's nothing wrong with adding a little depth to what you go. In fact if more men thought that way, the world (or at least the women) would be a slightlier happier place.

  2. Your eyebrows look great! I have a love/hate relationship with my brows. Years of overplucking have left me no choice but to "fill" mine in too. I have what appears to be "half-brows" when I have no makeup on (although my brows are naturally dark). Where do you find the Revlon brow powder - I have not seen this! I use el cheapo "NYC" brand brow powder/wax that I picked up for $1.99 at Target. It does the trick but doesn't look very natural.

  3. I think your brows look fantastic! They look so natural, I guess she was getting at the drag queen look?

    Either way your post made me giggle in a rather odd way, my hubby just glanced over at me like im insane.

    Meh! I'm saluting your pencil! :D


  4. @ Jamie: When I want to fuck with my students I just forget to put them on. I get strange stares - like the high school classmate that sees you at the grocery store and is cratching their brain out to try to place you. Yeah, that look. It's probably what if feels like to be albino too. Donchya (like that one, huh?) think??

    @Christy: I emailed you. I think. Lord help the woman who opens that email. If you don't get it, lemme know. It wasn't Revlon (oops) but rather Maybelline. Cheaper anyway so it's all good.

    @ Gemma: I'm down with Drag Queens - whatever trips your trigger...just so long as no one's mistaking me for one.

  5. I got these awesome eyebrow stencils from nordstrom an use a brush and powder to fill my oddly short and oddly light eyebrows in. It makes a huge difference.